I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I think people are normalizing furries
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize