1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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