doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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