cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
