Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
