Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I deserve this hangover.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
