i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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