I was born with a shot glass in my hand
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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