Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
she pinky promised me she was 18
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
