I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
