there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Randomize
