You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Randomize
