It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Randomize
