that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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