You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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