how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
