Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
