We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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