where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
