somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
