eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
