Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
