Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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