Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
