fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
it's like heaven, but drunker
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
