My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
