pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
