My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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