Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Randomize
