i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
