i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
