My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Less talking, more tequila
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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