i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
