I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
