Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize