Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize