how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
