what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
