I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Randomize
