I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
