Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize