Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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