She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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