He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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