well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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