When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
