I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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