remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize