Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
