My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
