started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
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