i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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