I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
