Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
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