there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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