Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm getting married
To pizza
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
