I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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