Porn is love you can see.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
