I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize