Cold hands, warm shart.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
