Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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