I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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