Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
