its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
