im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
