I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He? As in you personified your dick?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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