can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
