Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
