Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
