I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
