Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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