i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
this is an emotional support booty call
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
