But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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