Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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