i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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